How (and Why) to Speak Your Customer's Language

Understanding your customer’s language—their wants, needs, challenges, and objectives—is one of the most important factors in selling success. This lesson became clear to me early in my sales career, during a conversation that didn’t go as planned. I had managed to secure a very low price for a potential customer, thinking it would impress him. However, his response was, “Then you must be using cheap raw materials.” He immediately lost interest, and I realized I had misunderstood what he valued.

Reflecting on this, I saw that while I was focused on offering a low price as a sign of value, the customer interpreted it as a sign of poor quality. We were speaking different “languages.” The conversation happening in the customer’s mind—their internal dialogue—was more important than the one I was having with them. As a salesperson, it’s my responsibility to adapt to the customer’s language, not expect them to adapt to mine.

Understand Your Customer’s “Black Box”

Learning to speak your customer’s language can be challenging. Sales training often refers to the customer’s internal conversation as “the black box” because it’s a mystery to salespeople. This black box is the customer’s decision process, and it’s the most significant factor in determining sales success. Even though you can’t hear this internal conversation, you can still influence it.

Imagine a customer saying, “I want to talk to my expert first who’s in the next room.” You’d want to know about this expert before presenting. Similarly, understanding the customer’s internal conversation helps you tailor your approach. Had I known more about my customer’s background, I could have emphasized the high quality of our materials, even at a loss, and likely closed the sale.

Help Customers Gain “Self-Clarity”

You can succeed even if your customer’s decision process is a mystery to you. However, it’s more problematic when the customer themselves is unclear about their needs. Confused customers seldom buy. It’s in your best interest to help customers gain “self-clarity.” A customer who understands their needs is better positioned to see how your product can help. Often, a customer’s need involves a feeling. While you can’t know exactly what they’re feeling, you can help them get in touch with those feelings and clarify their needs.

Three Steps to Influence Customer Decision-Making

1. 1.Value the Customer’s Decision Process – Prioritize your customer’s unique internal decision process over your own thinking. Customers are more likely to buy for their own reasons than for those you suggest. Show genuine interest and respect for their way of thinking.
2. 2.Be a Learner, Not a Teacher – Be a good observer. Listen for clues to decode your customer’s internal language: their beliefs, values, objectives, challenges, and priorities. Ask good questions and minimize distractions. Avoid judging or trying to control the conversation, as this can cause you to miss important cues.
3. 3.Respond to What You Observe – Be adaptable. Set aside pre-rehearsed responses that don’t fit your customer’s unique needs. No training program can prepare you for every situation. Develop versatility to respond to the diverse needs expressed by customers.

Beyond Selling and Buying

The ability to understand another person’s decision process is valuable beyond sales. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, counselor, or advisor, delivering advice in a way that others will accept and act on is a fundamental skill. Motivation and commitment that lasts comes from within. Learning another person’s internal language is key to contributing real and sustainable value.

Learn More: Download our eBook to discover how informal learning can kick your sales team performance into high gear: Six Vital Questions for Evaluating Sales Learning Success

About Jeffrey Lipsius

Jeffrey Lipsius is president and founder of Selling To The Point®, LLC Sales Training and Consulting. He developed the Selling To The Point® method over his 30-year sales training career. Jeffrey pioneered inside selling for the natural foods industry in the 1970s and trained the first sales force of this type in that industry. He has trained over 100 salespeople, both inside and outside, as well as sales trainers. The salespeople trained by Jeffrey are some of the highest commission earners in their respective industries.